How many times can I remember that I listed everything that “I” want to do. Everything that “I” am planning for, and all the changes that “I” want to make. There was a lot of I’s my sentences and honestly in my way of thinking. There is nothing wrong with having plans and doing things that we enjoy, but it’s taken a while to realize that not all the things that I have planned, and all the things I want to do, are things that I should do.
What does this look like?
For me, it has been reading spiritual books. There is so much information and so much knowledge that the Saints can teach us. So much scripture to meditate on, oh so much! But it’s not just reading the spiritual books, its applying them. So many books (like the Rules of Saint Benedict) are not just books to read, but books to apply to your life. By doing so, I’ve seen myself grow spiritually and my family has been changed. I can see, and feel God building and shaping me into whom he wants me to be.
So these days, I’m starting to become more mindful and aware of who is building my city and who is watching guard. If doing God’s will is not the forefront of my desires, then it is not God’s will that I’m doing, but my own. If I’m trying to put all my trust into my own facilities, then it’s not God who is watching over, but me foolishly thinking I can do it all on my own.
These things take time, and it forces us to be aware of what’s going on in our lives, and how we live. Everyday I ask God to show me how he wants me to live. What it is He wants me to do. I want God to be the master foreman, he should be building my house.
I understand that there is no happiness doing things contrary to His will. There is no joy doing things my way–it only brings sorrow.
And yes, His ways are not easy. It does require a denial of self (a lot of denial of self). However, to accept a “no” when we receive it, and try to understand that it’s for our own good is very humbling .
But there is also so much joy in listening to Him. Growing in faith and knowledge, and finally being able to understand things that wasn’t understandable before. Those are the moments that bring joy, at least to my heart.
Who builds your house? Do you try to do things for the greater glory of God and not self?