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Breaking Invisible Glass Barriers

  When my husband and I first met, we began doing a knowledge swap. We would each talk about our traditions and what it meant to us. This worked great with just trying to know each other, and know our families, but after we were married, we had to know more. Knowing only our traditions was not enough, we needed to understand each other’s history and background. What really made us tick. So, we began doing a history swap. This made me really excited since I was a African-American & American history major. I still find myself curling up with a good history book on my Nook. What I have noticed during our sessions is that there is so much that I never knew about my husband’s history, and he was even more surprised when I started to discuss my history with him. I always try my best not to be biased, and show him all aspects–good and bad, positive and negative–and let him make his own conclusions. I don’t want to steer him in any direction, I think that would be an abuse of knowledge. Sometimes, he asks me: “With your history, why aren’t you angry?” “What for?”–is my usual response. Despite obstacles that were put in my family’s way, or a clear glass wall that was set up to be a barrier, my family still did what was necessary to break through those invisible barriers. So why should I be angry? If anything, I am a walking testament of my parents and their parents will and determination. But this is not only for me, we are all...

Sorting My Emotions After A Loss

How can one start again after a loss? My husband and I waited two and a half years to start trying again for a child.  We thought we had good news. We knew that trying to conceive was going to take time and we knew there was disappointment in our future, but no one was expecting the roller coaster ride that we’ve been on. It started Monday (July 25), when I went to my doctor to confirm my pregnancy. What was a happy event ended up being a negative experience because my doctor was the doctor from hell. For example, I told him that I was still breast-feeding my daughter, and he responded: ” What the hell for? It didn’t work anyway. You still got pregnant anyway.” He laughed as if the remark was funny. That was where we left things, I decided to move on to a new doctor. Two days later (Wednesday) I started cramping. That afternoon I was spotting. Google was my unofficial doctor. In most cases, it would be foolish to look up your condition online instead of going to a doctor, but I was in-between doctors and I knew this was just the beginning of my ordeal. Since the spotting continued, I saw another doctor on Saturday. He checks everything and he says it looks normal. To my surprise I saw a heartbeat and it was strong. I left that office with renewed hope and in denial.  Maybe, just maybe this was viable, after all plenty of women spot during pregnancy. All hope was removed in the afternoon. When my daughter woke up from her nap, my...

Telling The Truth About Fictional Characters

Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy all have one thing in common: they are the things we lie about.  I’m currently debating if I’m going to be honest with my child with these fictional characters or lie about them. Let me rewind back to my childhood.  Growing up, my parents decided to go with the lie method.  We were told about the three fictional characters, and honestly only two registered: Santa and Tooth Fairy.  My parents carried on the charade until I found out on my own (from a classmate) about them being indeed fake. When confronting my parents about this, again, I was told a lie.  “Of course they are real!”  But in my mind, the damage has already begun.  Who do I believe, my parents–who would never lie to me, or my classmates who I’ve known since I was 5.  The classmates won that round. Growing up, we were told to not lie, it wasn’t good.  Logically, I couldn’t understand if I was punished for lying, but my parents got away scott free (for years), then the system is rigged.  This of course made me question everything my parents told me (but really?  Who doesn’t?). Fast forward now to my daughter.  I don’t want to lie to her, but I also don’t want to ruin the “fun” she could have while thinking that some big guy is going to break into our apartment and leave gifts (okay, so it doesn’t sound that great).  Here is a list of pro’s and con’s that I could think of while trying to make this decision. Pros: She can pretend...
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