Image Source: carulmare via Flickr
This is a touchy subject, one that I am going to try to approach with care.
I’ve read in the news and else where that there has been a trend to ban children from places, or charge families extra for bringing their children along to a restaurant.
In the most part, the reason is babies (and little kids) makes a lot of messes (and noise)–I get that, but the underlying result seems to be: ostracize the next generation when they are young.
In the parenting section in the book store, there are tons of books on how to control kids–in short, how to make them act like us. Something that we approve of.
There has also been a misconception that children are getting away with things that they shouldn’t (okay some are, but really not all). Are hating on the little ones who are really just carving out their place in the world really worth it?
Nope, so the attack on parents begin. “Parents should know better than to take their child here.” I think I’ve read it all. What about that single mother who has literally no one to watch their kids?
They work, they go to school, and they need to buy groceries, people actually expect her to walk out of the store and wait until a next time to get food? Really, is there an actual next time?
I understand that people don’t like other people’s children, BUT what about a sense of, “Ah, I know what that person’s going though.” Or, “They seem to have their hands full, let’s just move away.”
Every day, I wonder what kind of world am I raising my child in. A society that obviously NEEDS the next generation, but unwilling to recognize that the generation needs time to grow up.
(Of course when society pushes too hard, we are appalled — crotches panties for tweens anyone?)
Kids can pick up on things. They know who likes them and who doesn’t. They know when they’re not wanted, they also learn (from our example) that this is how you treat other children.
Now, I’m not only in defense of parents. As parents, we know when we’re taking our children out of their element, to a new experience. We know when our kids are about to have a melt down and we have to decide how to handle it.
Perhaps as a society we no longer have tolerance for anything that appears to annoy us, even if we have the power to decide if it really annoys us.
We try to teach our children fairness. Not to exclude. Accept people for who they are. Understand why a person is acting like that (a baby is crying, maybe they’re hungry), we try to teach them not to judge.
Then when they grow up, they learn that those things were all lies. Adults don’t do what they teach. Society, which is made up of rules of do’s and don’t, don’t really care about the message that is being said.
Children of the next generation…what are you really learning from our actions? I’m honestly afraid to know.
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I can admit that before I became a mother, I was far less tolerant of the noise that children brought to a scene. I can’t even lie and say that I’d never given a mother THAT look when a baby wouldn’t stop crying. Now? Whew, I understand being on the other side. Although I haven’t had any situations yet with my son, I understand. I try to nod or make eye contact and give a small smile to parents who are having a moment with their children.
I think there is a difference between children being in places that the masses deem inappropriate (musical concerts, romantic restaurants, midnight rated R movies, etc) and kids being unwelcome at family restaurants. I’m all for boundaries because some things SHOULD be just for adults. But, to act as it children in general are a burden to our society is ridiculous.
I agree, there are places that parents should not take the kids, because it really inappropriate (like the examples that you listed). Things do look totally different when you sit on both sides of the isle. It’s like that amazing grace song, “I was blind, but now I can see.”
As for children being a burden to our society, all I have to do is look at all the education cuts, see how that’s affecting our kids, and then see where the money’s going. It’s depressing.
You are so right. In regards to my comment, But, to act as it children in general are a burden to our society is ridiculous.”, I wasn’t referring to your opinion. I was referring to the fact that I DO think a segment of society believe that and I agree that it’s ridiculous. Not that your opinion was ridiculous. *lol* Geeez! Am I making any sense?????
I didn’t think that, I was agreeing with you lol! Society thinks that children are a burden, I just wanted to give an example. Hahaha! sorry for the confusion 🙂
I would never take my children out to a nice nice restaurant because I know that I would want to enjoy myself in peace. Now I do take my kids to places like chilli’s and red lobster because I feel they are more family friendly. I get dirty looks all the time but I pay them no attention usually my kids are decent.I don’t know why people act like kids don’t act out at times. They are kids and kids have to learn how to sit still in any environment how else will they learn.
Exactly! They will have to learn at some point. I wouldn’t take my kid to a nice restaurant either (not just because of behavior but because she won’t eat anything), but places that are supposed to be kid neutral (a diner, chilli’s etc), there should be no problem. Kids are going to act out, it’s how they learn boundaries. That’s like people thinking that their ish don’t stink.
I think some of the problem comes when parents don’t know when to remove their children from a situation. There is a thin line between infringing on other people’s rights when it comes to dining and the like. I know when my children have had enough. Even if that means I didn’t get done all I needed I am not going to keep them out to the point they are crying and screaming.
I think this has attributed somewhat to some of the attitudes that people have adopted when it comes to children in public places. I am not saying it’s right but it may be a cause. As a parent I realize that I have rights but so do others. I have to keep that in mind when I am out. I think not patronizing businesses that choose to discriminate against children will send a message that it won’t be tolerated.
I agree, there is a thin line, and some parents don’t know when it’s crossed. We know when our kids are passed their point (not like it should get to that point), but we know. When it gets to that point, its our responsibility to remove them from that situation that causing said meltdown. I’m sure there are times where removing the kid can’t be avoided like emergency grocery shopping because a hurricane is coming for example.
But from what I’ve noticed, the one-two minute tantrums that ends up pissing people off too (since those are the most frequent). It’s the same tantrum that you know your child will forget all about if you just get away from that item, then their mind will cling onto something else.
I don’t know though, its like walking on a tight rope. I just feel like if the parent has it under control, we (society) should give them room to handle. Can’t have a kid cry (even from falling) without people giving dirty looks these days.
Okay, tantrum and crying are the same thing for me. I should say one or two minute crying spell (no kicking, screaming, or anything like that)
I’m a single mother so when I go out my kids go with me which is why I rarely go to adult only places. There can be times when I want to have a nice dinner at a restaurant and the only way I can (usually) is to take my girls with me. I would hope not to get dirty looks but I wouldn’t care as long as my children aren’t disturbing others then it shouldn’t matter. There has been times when I was in places and my baby would “act out” and I would leave not to disturb or offend others. I hear often times people say I don’t want kids because of their interactions with them in public, but they were once a child too and children shouldn’t be banned or not exposed to things because people can’t handle a little crying.
See, that’s what I’m saying! As a mom, you know when to retreat and pack up (for lack of better words). It seems like these days, you can’t have a kid cry (even if they fell), people don’t like hearing the sound. it’s not like you’re planning it, kids cry for what ever reason. I’ve noticed there’s lack of tolerance with that as well.
I feel like we (adults) forgot that we were once kids too, and I’m sure, not one of us was an angel 100% of the time.
I agree with Mimi, the problem really stems from parents not knowing when to tap the mat and call it quits. I’ve seen too many parents sit and watch their kid go from table to table in restaurants or play hide-n-seek in the clothing racks – its annoying. I have 4 kids, so I understand that kids do things but a lot of the stuff that kids do is within the parents’ ability to control.
I don’t think it’s anti-parent or anti-child to have “no children” zones, I think it shows respect for people who want to have a nice evening out. There have been plenty of times when I’ve left places of business because of kids (mine and/or someone else’s).
Okay, table to table and playing hide and seek in the racks, that’s just rude and I can totally see that’s annoying. You’re right, a lot of stuff that kids do are within the parents ability to control. When I go shopping, my husband or my mom has to come with me, so that I can actually shop. (My definition of shopping is holding my daughter’s hand while standing in the isle while I suggest what pants I want.)
For Valentine’s Day my husband made reservations at a very NICE restaurant and I confess I didn’t want children to be anywhere near me. Thank goodness it was just couples.
I looked forward to a nice evening without hearing anyone call the name “mommy”.
When we do take our son out we go to restaurants that are kid friendly and usually there are tons of other kids there too. Red Robin is a good example of this. I do understand couples want to go to nicer places with their kids, but you do have to know your limits. Some kids are great in public and others are not. People should just be aware of their own situation and try not to disrupt others. I had less sympathy before I became a parent, but now I do understand. (Just don’t mess with my date night when I haven’t been out in almost a year). lol
Haha! Anyone be warned if they mess with date night. Kids don’t belong out on date night. But I know where you’re coming from. I am so dying to go the restaurants that we used to go to, but umm, nope, not with a child. I personally want to enjoy it as well, so that’s going to have to wait until much later (and a good baby sitter). But to me that’s just common sense, fancy restaurants that not’s geared towards families (breakable everything), we shouldn’t just take kids to.
And I agree, you have to know your limits, and what your kids are able to handle.
While society may not be to the hate level yet, the vast majority has become intolerable when it comes to young children. I see your point because intolerance can grow into hatred if the issues aren’t addressed and dealt with.
I’ve gotten the looks in Wal-Mart when my son gets a little too excited or my daughter starts wailing because she got startled. I, typically, will make eye contact and say something like “gotta love kiddos! wanna trade places for a bit?” Usually I get a laugh or smile from the person and just keep moving.
As for restaurants, if we can’t get a sitter then my husband and I eat at a family friendly restaurant. If I notice the hostess is sitting us next to a couple that looks like their on a date, then I’ll ask for another option so we don’t distract them.
Love the points and the discussion this has started!
And that’s the good part, you are aware of those around you and try to make it easier on others.
When we do go out to dinner with my daughter, we opt for an early dinner, at a family restaurant before the evening crowd comes though. That way it’s practically empty and she wouldn’t be disturbing (a lot)
I definitely see your point. I think that this generation of children is more or less..going down. Their closing school left and right, cutting education budgets, doing the whole “charging extra” in places. I did daycare for a thousand years and it’s really the parents who we can’t stand. The kids unfrotunately are the product of their kids. I normally didn’t have too many problems with the kids it was the parents I had to move out of the way. Maybe those are the ones we blame for not liking kids in resturants( not me personally) because they don’t give their kids standards and guidelines of how to behave in public places, they’re always sugar coating discipline, to where kids can’t take anything! When I go out to a resturant, waiters, and observers are always coming up to me and the hubs saying how “well behaved” our kids are. It’s a global crisis.
I was thinking that as well. It could be that some parents don’t give their own kids guidelines on how to act in public, and they could be the ones who don’t like little kids.
I was in the mall this weekend, and this little girl was stomping her feet because she wanted to go on a ride and her mom gave in. Not to judge, but my girl knows (and will continue to learn) that behavior like that don’t get you anything.
I’ve heard about all these new rules excluding children. It’s a little disturbing. I get that people don’t want to be bothered with children at nice restaurants but the grocery store thing just took it over the top for me. I’m not sure why people dislike kids so much. We all used to be one!
I know! We were all kids, and I doubt we were all angels all the time.
Kalley, I’m very grateful that you wrote this post. My husband and I always discuss how un-family friendly many places are. We’re a large family so we always garnish unwanted attention. That’s weird in itself. Our children are very well behaved most places we go. But no matter what people stare at us when we enter, as if our family, mainly the children will disrupt the environment. We deal with servers who are quick to rush our orders because they don’t want the other patrons to have an unpleasant experience. What about our family’s experience? We’ve had plenty of adults to ruin our dining experience with their bickering… LOL.
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
LOL. That’s so true. What I have also noticed is that the kids do pick up on the bickering and the hostility from other people.
While others may be afraid of their own dinner experience being ruined, they forget that they are also ruining someone else’s.