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Finding The Light

Finding The Light

I was pouring over the news in the morning, and read that a cancer patient in NYC took his own life, after finding out he was infected with the Corona Virus. The nurses found him and tried to revive him but it was too late for him. This is how I started my reflection on what I have been doing during this pandemic. Since I was following it back in January, I have been watching and waiting for it to resolve itself. Slowly, I saw it move to other countries and knew it was a matter of time before it was on our shores. Fast forward, and here it is. My family is safe in our apartment, and while we have food, love, shelter, I still wish I could do more to help my family out. However, the more I attempt to do something, the more I find myself pulling away from them. I’m checking the news, contacting loved ones, and they are contacting me (about the news), everything is about the pandemic. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important current events, we are living through history, but, it’s not the only history that’s going on right now. All around us, amazing things are happening, people are still getting married, children are still being born (they come when it’s their time), and sadly, those will pass from other causes. The Virus has many of us running around looking for some sort of solace. We are looking for that peace of mind, that reassurance that everything is going to be okay. So we watch the news, listen to the President, Governors,...
5th Week of Lent — 2 weeks lockdown

5th Week of Lent — 2 weeks lockdown

It is the 5th week of Lent. It’s been two weeks since my parish offered public Mass. It’s been three weeks since I’ve sat in the pews. This season of Lent has been completely different for me and my family–as I can imagine it has been for every family. This week has hit me especially hard.

The Gift of Starting Anew

The Gift of Starting Anew

November 2nd was All Souls Day, and it was the first time my parish celebrated our Lady of Purgatory. I woke up in the morning excited to join our parish in our All Souls’ Day event. My kids were excited, and we were ready. Then Z2 woke up with a fever and all the plans were squashed. Instead of feeling disappointed, or annoyed, I was feeling full of love. My son needed me and I was there to help him. Yes, I know this was the first time for the celebration and remembrance of our loved one, but God willing there will be another one next year. Instead, I spent my Saturday with my family and thinking about my loved ones. All those who were laid to rest before me like my father, friends, and acquaintances. I thought how not much separated me from them—only a few feet a dirt. I seriously thought about all the plans they had for tomorrow. What they will do when they will retire or when they get that day off. They never thought that the day they died would be their last day. That they—like everyone would have to make an account of their actions. It’s terrifying when you think about life and death that way. While praying my Liturgy of the Hours this came up: Now that is terrifying! Our Lord is so good and so merciful, that he waits for us in Confession. He forgives us our sins, and do not hold them against us. When we are forgiven for our sins, we have a chance of heaven again. We will...
Relieving The Worry Bug

Relieving The Worry Bug

For as long as I can remember, I have always worried.  It was something that was part of who I was, and what I did.  My mind would wander off to the worst possible scenario.  Even when writing on my blog, I would worry about how I would be perceived, who would take me the wrong way.  Sometimes, I would worry about if I would be taken too serious, or not too serious enough.  These thoughts plagued me all the time. Here are just some insights that I’ve realized that helped me put my worrying into perspective.   I wanted absolutes    One of the things I struggled with was not knowing.  I wanted to know every detail of the procedure.  Every bit of knowledge of anything that was bothering me until I’ve exhausted all materials I could find.  The problem was, I was looking for absolutes in a world that is not certain. No one can promise today, or tomorrow.  I worried about preventing things.  From helping my family out, to making sure that I’m doing everything I can health wise for them.  Honestly, I can just do the best that I can.  I do what I can (and afford) for my family, and then leave the rest up to God.   I can’t say that I stop researching information–I think that’s just hardwired in me to do now.  However, I’m not obsessed about it.  When I feel like I have received the answers that I was looking for, then I start applying what I have learned.   Separate what I can do from what I can’t  ...
Practicing the Graces Through Motherhood

Practicing the Graces Through Motherhood

I don’t  talk too much about motherhood on my blog.  Honestly, I don’t know why.  It’s what I do. I’m a mother. I wake up, and I work for my family, and then I go to sleep still working (because I co-sleep). To actually talk about raising children is not something I’ve done, or have been comfortable doing. Am I too deep in this and feel that I’m not qualified?  Have I looked deeply on my mistakes, see where I can improve and feel like I don’t have reason to talk–maybe.  There is one word that follows me around when I interact with my children all day–I don’t know everything.   Working With Different Personalities   Life with 3 children (and one on the way) there are many different personalities.  I have a child who is selective in their hearing, but can be sweet and thoughtful at times.  I have a child that has a total breakdown when I don’t feed them at the exact correct time, and they cannot even read time yet.  Another one is sensitive, but built like a truck–seriously, don’t mess with him. Working with these personalities is trying and exhausting.  There are days where I just want to lock myself in my bedroom and hide!  However, I know that God does everything for a reason, and he has his own reasons for doing what he does.   My Key To Sainthood   The trials that we face everyday, as mothers is a stark reminder that this is our key to sainthood.  Just thinking about heaven and realizing that it is full of mothers and...
Frustrations With A Wounded Heart

Frustrations With A Wounded Heart

I had taken a step back from writing on this blog for many reasons. My days are more filled with things to do. Also, I was pregnant most of this year, so my thoughts were mainly mush. However, truly analyzing why it’s been hard for me to write, has been due to the problems that is happening in the Church. Since 2018 there has been report after report about the problems that are in the Church. Money issues (and mishandling), abuses and misconduct by those in trusted position. If I tried to see if our Pope had anything encouraging to say—I would be sorely disappointed. The words of our Pope has been far from positive for those of us who love Our Lord’s Church. So, for over a year, it has been hard for me to effectively share my love for my Faith, when all these black eyes are popping up from the abyss. I mean, how effectively can you evangelize when your roof is on fire? I know all of this is in God’s plan. Everything is according to His will. It’s not for me to explain away the problems we have in the Church—yeah we have them. And yeah, the problems is causing a lot of people to lose their faith. There has been two school of thought about this crisis— either we go about “business as usual,” or continue to shed a spotlight on the issue. As painful as it is, I pray that a spotlight continues to shine bright, so we can see how truly to problem lies. Of course on top of that is...
The Importance of Hobbies

The Importance of Hobbies

I can remember fond memories of my father who would say, “Go find something to do,” when I would say that I was bored. That was the perfect opportunity to go and find something that I actually liked to do.  As I got older though, it was harder and harder to pull away from the responsibilities of life and find a hobby that I was passionate about. When my daughter was born, the first really hobby of adulthood (and parenthood) was blogging.  It was awesome to connect with different moms and to talk with them.  Best of all, it was a reminder that I wasn’t alone in this job and that there were others just like me.  However, I as I started to have more children, there had to be something more that connected me to a person other than they were a  mom like me. Dabbling in hobbies For the longest, I struggled to find out what that was. Where was my group?  Where did I belong?  What am I really passionate about?  At first I took up photography.  I really like to take pictures, but with children constantly around you (and you having to keep an eye on them) what I thought I wanted to take pictures of, I actually didn’t get any pleasure out of.  Turned out I needed to accept what I liked to take pictures of. After I lost the desire to write for a while (talk about being overwhelmed), and to take pictures, I really felt like I had no creative outlet for myself.  That was when things got to much, and eventually I had a...
First Cardigan Completed

First Cardigan Completed

In January I’ve decided to knit a cardigan for my daughter. I’ve calculated the amount of yarn I was going to need (size 10/12 girls), and picked out the “perfect” yarn. It was a straightforward pattern with a stitch pattern from the Japanese Stitch Bible. I’ve bought this book with the sole intention to knit intricate cables and lace. But since I’ve only been knitting for 2 years, I’ve decided to pick something “easy.” There were many things that set me back from this project. The first and major one (although very happy one), is that I had just found out I was expecting my fourth (due September). For the longest, I couldn’t even look at the project because of the concentration that it required. Between pregnancy, homeschooling two kids and taking care of a toddler, my brain was fried! I was so so thankful when the second trimester started cause that is where the energy picked up and I finished the project.   This has to be my most complicated pattern to date, but I won’t lie and say it was easy! Just a simple conversation would throw me off, and I would have to undo the row that I just worked. So, this wasn’t a mindless knit at all–at least not for a pregnant mama. Another issue that I encountered, because of my bright idea of yarn choice, was to use Ombré self dyed yarn for this project. After I finished this panel, it then occurred to me that I have to make the front as similar as possible and the sleeves too. Again, because it was...
Happy Easter…Easter Worshipers?

Happy Easter…Easter Worshipers?

  First, I wish everyone a Happy Easter.  He is Risen!  He is truly Risen!  Let us all rejoice and be glad.  Easter has always been a time to celebrate with the entire Church worldwide, and there are times when Easter (Holy Week and Easter Week) was to commit horrible crimes against Christians. Before I continue with this post, please offer a Hail Mary, and Glory Be to all those who lost their lives just going to Church and celebrating.  While they are martyrs for the Church–there are plenty that still need our prayers. Middle of the Night News I have a horrible habit that I need to break.  When I wake up in the middle of the night, and cannot go back to sleep, I check Catholic Twitter to see who I can pray for, and to check some of the news.  Again, this is a horrible habit, but this is how I found out about the Sri Lanka attacks. I think what surprised me the most about the attacks, was the reports about the attacks.   From what we know, Churches and hotels were the target.  Specifically, two Catholic Churches were attacked during the organized attack–so one would come to the conclusion that they were at Mass for the Easter Mass. Where did Easter Worshipers come from? Looking at the news reports, I kept seeing Easter Worshipers. I’m not going to lie, the first thing that came to mind was Easter Island.   I just kept thinking about people bowing own and worshiping these heads from Easter Island.  Why would the media use “Easter Worshipers” when they could have...
Book Review: Hostile Witness

Book Review: Hostile Witness

    This review has been a long time coming.  I’ve started reading Hostile Witness by Gary Mitchuta a while ago.  I actually had to read it twice–once on my Kindle and finally I gave up bought a paperback.  This is why I have multiple copies of the same book. This book was a treasure for me, because I love history.  I love learning about our faith through the eyes of history and seeing how events that surrounds the Bible helps the time period (and culture) make sense.  Learning about our history makes the lives of those who lived during the time of the Bible and after, come alive. Gary Mitchuta starts this book by taking us all the way back to the New Testament times, and uses historical witnesses to prove Christianity.  Instead of using testimony from people who agreed with Christianity, he pulled testimony from people who dismissed the faith, or who were against (hostile) against it. This was the part that made this book so interesting.  He starts with King Herod the Great, and takes us through history up until WWII and the National Socialist Party (Nazis).  He gives just enough information to whet your appetite about that time period, while leaving you wanting to know more about it.   Dispelling the Lies    In our day and age, we have so many people who use information incorrectly, or just choose to be willfully ignorant about history.  Mitchuta takes the common arguments such as: Jesus doesn’t exist, Crusades and Christianity evils, and of course WWII and how the Pope was on the Nazis side–and dispels them. Not only...
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