Imagine this: You are sitting in a restaurant and a complete stranger comes up to you says, “Oh I just wanted to wish your two kids (they name them by name) a Happy Birthday last week. Oh, and since I’m here, how is that new job that you just got hired to? Did you actually drink that margarita while hiding in the bathroom from your kids?”
Now, what if this stranger tells you that they learned everything from your Twitter and Instagram account? Everything that they ever needed to know was right there for the picking.
I don’t know about you, but that is a scary situation.
This is something that we have to take seriously and think about before we post that picture or share that tweet.
And believe me, I get it. We’re bloggers. We do write about our personal lives to connect with one another.
We want to appear relatable and personable to our readers out there–to other bloggers out there. We want others to see that they are not alone in their journey of life, no matter where they are.
But there is a line that we have to try not to cross.
[Tweet “Everything that we say online is public and it’s written in ink.”]
We’ve all done it, but knowing what we know these days about technology we need to ask ourselves:
Deep down, we’re concerned about the privacy of our children, or what we write about our significant other. After all, anything and everything we do is traceable back to our real lives off the internet.
If this is what you could be worried about how about trying the following:
1. Not sharing your family’s real names.
Those of us who respect this decision will not post their real name online either. Instead use a nickname, or better yet, an online name that you know your kids would never respond to. Of course let’s keep it pleasant π We don’t want a funny nickname to haunt this child when [or if] they ever come into social media.
2. We can filter our images with Instagram, we should filter what we say about our spouses.
Remember that advice we received when we were newlyweds: keep disputes to yourself and not share it with your family. When the argument is over, you forget about the problem but our families will still think about–sometimes unable to let it go. Now let’s take this one step further.
- What if it was a poor decision your spouse (or you) made that had a bad result, and you shared it. How does that show their judgment (or yours)? Extreme yes, but we don’t know who is really reading our blog or really following us on social media. One incident should not decide if that person is good decision maker, but what if your boss, or your spouse’s boss followed you (because, they heard you had a blog), and read that? Do you think that will affect your spouse’s chance at promotion? What about your chances?
3. Being careful about posting vacations or when you’re out-of-town.
If you are going on vacation and you want to share about your trip with others, that’s awesome. But try not to share when you’re going out-of-town. Don’t let everyone know that you’ll be out of your home for two weeks traveling X road, and staying at XYZ Inn. If anything, share your trip with us when you come back.
4. Turn off tracking.
You know how your phone wants to keep track of your location for everything that you do, umm…yeah…:turn it off. You would be surprised how much data is stored in a picture. Especially a picture that is taken with an app that has tracking enabled. That means if all your business is conducted within a 5 mile radius of your house (or mainly from your home) then it can and will be found out. You can still share your pictures, but do it wisely.
5. Stop before we post-what could sound cute now, could look real bad later.
Pressing send is sometimes a spontaneous action. We are either heated about something, or excited and we want to share that experience immediately. But we should stop and think about what we’re posting before we do. Will that comment come back and haunt us down the line?
These days, we sometimes feel like everyone is doing it, so it’s okay. To not do it seems not personable–that’s the last thing anyone wants to be. But we cannot let the trend of over sharing define how we protect our privacy.
In our person-to-person interactions, we know when we crossed that imaginary line; we can see it through raised eyebrows or a look of shock on the other person’s face.
In social media, we don’t have those clues.
Since we’re operating without clues, we get the impression that it’s okay to let it all hang out. Nothing is try stopping us.
[Tweet “In person, we know when we crossed that line of over sharing but not in social media.”]
Our privacy really matters, even more so now in a world that is connected online.
Still not sure, how about this experiment?
What are other ways you can think of to protect your privacy in an over sharing society? Do you think that privacy is over rated?
Fabulous tips Kalley! I share a bit too much on my blog, however, I don’t use real names nor announce when I’m out of town. I do the same on any public site as well. Just too scary, right? Great post and will be passing it along!
Thank you Bren. You’re right, it is just scary how much of our info slips between our fingers. I guess for most of us, we have to determine, where our comfort level is and work within those lines.
Love this. I do not use my kids real names and if someone does I erase the post immediately. I also hate that foursquare app I know you want to get extra stuff but people now know where you are I think that is one app that is a no no. I am very careful what I show online because people will come up to you based on a pic or a post.
I hear you. I’ve been torn between sharing my family online, and keeping things private. I am at this point where I’m okay with my family being private. The sad thing is people will judge us based on what we post. I know we’re all trying to make sure there is no room for misinterpretation.
As for foursquare, I don’t even have it on my phone, I really don’t see the point in checking into places. I’m just “old” in that regards hahaha.
I’ve had that experience. I’ve had people come up to Pookah and be like: I know that kid! That’s Pookah! ( I did get a discount at stride rite one time because the salesperson was in love with Pookah). i am so careful about what I post on line now. I wasn’t always that way. I used to post a LOT about my marriage for instance, but I stopped because frankly, I needed to be talking to him instead of buddies on line. Now, I am more general and only post about him rarely. As for photos, I make sure ALL location services are off when I post a photos. I’m one of those who loves the fourquare app, but here is the trick: I only post on foraquare when I’m leaving and only for a few places. Like I would never post my son’s school on there. Just give the kidnappers the location why don’t you.
It’s such a strange crazy world out there and EVERYBODY is oversharing.
Oh my goodness LaShawn, that IS a scary experience!
I feel you on family posts and things like that. I used to get very personal on this blog about things like that, but I just stopped because, (like you said) I need to just talk to them instead of writing it here.
I think that’s an excellent point you made about the foursquare app – post when you are about to leave, and don’t check in a school or some place that is very personal.
And you are so right, we are all over sharing!
this post is so near and dear to my heart. I am a huge proponent of not over sharing.. i will never post about my husband or share much about my daughter or any members of my family. i’ll post cute pics here and there of my daughter but very few. I sometimes think that my level of success as a blogger will only reach a certain point because my privacy is way to important to me. i have seen people post important documents and i’m like seriously?? like a license or something, that should never happen. we all have to determine at what cost are we looking to be successful.
It’s interesting how you mention that the level of success could be attached to how much a person shares their personal lives. It now makes me question about how far are we willing to go for fame.
I don’t think my spot in the lime light is going to be great because I have a problem with sharing my personal life. I have Instagram but I struggle to take pictures of things (that I want to share) because I keep asking–“Why am I sharing this?”
I’m finding that I’m a very private person. If I do post about Mr. C, I show him the post first, show him the picture, and asks for his permission.
Enjoyed the post, and well said. I do believe we tend to share to much information. I know I never share my real name nowhere when I do email accounts, as well as my fb and twitter account. I know I share my story through my poetry and my journey. We do have to be careful cause some are out there that may try to destroy what we have. Post came at the right time KalleyC, tried to comment lastnight and couldn’t from phone. you made some good points as well btw. I always turn off my location. Hope all is well with your and yours! God Bless π
I think there is pure freedom in being anonymous on the web! It gives you a chance to be vulnerable without being judged. It is a freedom that has to be protected, because people really would love to take that away from others.
The unfortunate thing about oversharing is that when you’re online so often, it, or oversharing, seems normal. You have a following and you think you know everyone in that following, so sharing online feels a lot like it does when you’re offline. But it’s not the same. I’ve learned that. I have learned to maintain a distance between who I am in real life and what I say about who I am online. I do share some things. Though, I don’t share everything. I keep names private and don’t include minute details of my family life, even if I really, really want to share them, because I know I would regret doing so later. I love these tips, Kalley!
“The unfortunate thing about oversharing is that when youβre online so often, it, or oversharing, seems normal.”
Well said, Jessica! I think this is true. The online culture of today is pushing us to over share our information. We see it happen so often that we just think of it as “normal,” and we end up doing it ourselves as well.
Because we have a “tribe” that follows us online, we do tend to feel like “only family” is reading our words, but it’s out there, and public, and anyone who wants to read it will. We don’t know everything about the people following us, and who is really reading our words (they said only 10% of the readers actually comment).
I think any effort that we can make to keep our private lives separate from our online ones, the safer our loved ones (and ourselves) will be. This lesson is only one that we could end up learning by looking to others, or falling into the trap ourselves.
I totally think you nailed this one girl. I’ve actually seen another post that was so great to point about the location feature on the different sites and how you should turn that off! I was happy to know mine was off already. Me and my husband are actually pretty private. I do use his real name and mine, but the nickname of our son. I think thus far I have been ok as far as your points are concerned. But that is how I am in real life too. I don’t share all of this stuff that I see people sharing on social media so freely. This definitely makes me want to double triple check even what I do share for sure. You never know who is watching! Such a great post!
Those location features on our mobile devices are so crazy scary sometimes. What prompted me to write this post was seeing how free we are with our information online. We (as a collective group) share far more than we should. Of course, that depends on what each of us finds as “too much.”
What a timely post. This is the main reason why I quit. I shared enough. Everyone knows my child’s name but they don’t know my husbands, what he does or what town we live and stuff. It’s hard to suddenly become private when you are known for being open. I never expected the blog to become popular, but it did and I learned my lesson.
I’m so sad to see you quit blogging, but I totally understand your reasons. The push to become more private when we’ve been so public is an interesting one. Almost as if we’ve had enough exposure, and now we have to get back to the things that matter most.
I wish you well in everything that you do, while tending to the things that truly matter, and I hope to see you on Twitter here and there π
I do use my own and my husband’s real name and first initial of our last names when I write, but I work pretty hard to keep our middle and last names off of the web so that we’re not too easily searchable. (And that strategy, plus the fact that my first name/last name combo is very common, has worked! I periodically search my own name on Google and so far, none of the images that come up or articles that come up are about me)
I am very strict about not posting any plans ahead of time, of when we will be away from home–even for just and afternoon. I always pre-schedule posts for vacation and only talk about the vacation after it’s over. And I don’t allow any of those “tracking” features.
Rachel, that’s a sold plan that you have in tact! I think everything that you have done so far is awesome and you’ve protected your personal life very well! Also, with the tracking features, it’s crazy how they ingrained it into so many applications on mobile devices.
I’ve been on the fence about this issue.
On one hand, yes, I do think we need to be careful and make smart decisions about what we choose to share on social media. On the other, I worry we’ve become too paranoid for our own good. Information is going to get out there one way or another despite our best efforts to keep it to ourselves. Obviously not everything or every personal detail in our lives, but enough that people can get a general idea of who we are and where we live. Tricky issue but one definitely worth discussing.
Hi Kim and welcome! I do agree with you about our information getting out there-one way or another. I also do believe that we shouldn’t make it easy for that to happen as well. I think it comes back down to balance and what we are okay that’s floating out there. I do, however, wonder about how we create our online selves, and how true is it to offline selves.
I really struggle with this topic b/c my blog didn’t/doesn’t have much to do with my daily life, but I found people responded much better when it was personal in some way. And, my blog’s instagram feed has morphed into much more of my personal feed. I finally just made it private because I wanted to have control over who saw my kids. Thanks for writing about this as we all need to find the balance and right way for ourselves.
Greetings Emily! The human to human connection is so very real. We do find that people can relate to us more by talking and writing about things that they can personally relate to. With that being said, I feel like that with my Instagram feed as well. I saw it being pushed (by me or externally) to become more personal instead of general, and I have been going back and forth about it.
I think it’s awesome that you made a decision to make it private, because like you said, you want to be able to control who is seeing your kids.
In the end, we all have to make a decision to find out what is okay for us to share, and how much of it we should share. I find that in our online culture today, we (not all but some) are throwing caution to the wind without really thinking about how it could affect us down the line.
This is something I must take a real hard look at Kalley. Just today I told my wife Im about to step my game up on the blogging by getting more personal. Then I gave her an example of what I wanted to write about but she vetoed it. I’m going to have to be more creative in my writing because I want my readers to be able to relate. Thanks!
Hi Vernon and welcome to the discussion! Being relatable by getting personal is a step that we all have to seriously think about. You know what they say, once it’s out there–it’s out there.
There are no take backs.
I think it’s great that you discussed it with your wife to see her comfort level with the material you were going to share. With that you are off to a good start.
My rule of thumb is: if it makes me uncomfortable to mention then it shouldn’t be online.
Kalley, finding the balance between relatable and too personal can be a fine line in this online world. Yet it something all of us should be taking more and more seriously. You provided such great practical tips.
You are so right right Wanda, it’s like a fine line that we should be able to see, but sometimes we miss all together. It all comes back down to our comfort level.
It’s funny (or maybe not) that I read this post a few days ago (I’ve been meaning to get back here and comment since then) w I had JUST posted about our upcoming Disney trip and basically violated almost all of these tips you suggested! I can say that I am sometimes VERY guilty of over sharing on social media and my blog. I try to not give too much information in one specific post, but I can see how people can easily gather everything they want to know about me if they piece together bits and pieces of different posts over my blog. It is unfortunate that I have done this, but I am going to be more careful about what I post from now on. The narrative at the beginning really put that in perspective!
Hi Britton! Welcome back to blogging! I think we are all very guilty of over sharing online and on social media. If someone really wants to, they can piece together any one of our lives, and it’s scary just to think about that!
What really had me reeling with this was the video! Just to think that someone can walk up to you and “know” the everyday things that you do, just by looking at a public account. What’s so crazy about that is that we sometimes feel that only people who we invite look at these things, but if they are public they are out there.
When I saw the video, it made feel like we were all exposed–if just a little. There was a lot of food for thought with that.
This is such a great topic, Kalley! I will definitely be more cautious of the things I share online after reading your post.
Thank you Brandi! I think it really all comes back down to comfort level though. It’s not too much information unless we feel it’s too much! Either way, I know I will be more careful too π
Great post and discussions in the comments. I used to be much more censored in the way I posted, but then I changed a bit. I went ahead and embraced my name online, I’m ok with the recognition. So far, no one has crossed any lines. I’m pretty open about many things on my blog and in my social media accounts, but I make sure that my son isn’t vulnerable. I don’t intimate details, locations or live tweet, etc. However, I hate to break the news to the people who believe they are being super secret and protective – with a few keystrokes (and usually for free), your name is pretty accessible to anyone.
Hi Mrs.TDJ & welcome! I think the point that you make about making sure that your son isn’t vulnerable is a good one. Since we are on social media, we expect our personal information to somehow get out there–sometimes we are the one that’s putting it out there just by having a job out side of the home. Everything theses days are digital, including our history, but what we could all do is make sure that our family isn’t the one to suffer. I love how you take the extra precaution to not live tweet, or share locations.
Our names are pretty accessible (true and sometimes scary in the wrong hands), and it doesn’t take long at all to search for anyone.