As you know, my word this year I have chosen the word: BOLD and as the first quarter of the year is at a close, and I’ve come to a lot of conclusions and insights on what this word means to me.

A harmless word when taken exactly for what it is, but a word that I did not interpret right.

bold

bōld/
adjective
1.
(of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous.
 
When I originally picked the word BOLD I was already doing something out of the norm for me.  
 
I am not a bold person.
 
I plan.  
 
I think.  
 
I look at both sides of the coin before making any and all decisions.
 
  How-I-Interperted-Bold-Wrong-title
 
 
 
I originally thought that BOLD meant going against my instincts and do something new.  
 
It didn’t take me long to find out that bold for me was something that I was doing already.  To be bold (at least for me) is to live and accept all facets of me.
 
 
Anything else would be a lie.
 
This is actually harder than what it sounds.
 
 
Confidence is Going Against The Grain.
 
Last week, I asked if we were sharing too much.  I asked this question out loud because this was a question that I had asked myself.  I have an Instagram account, and every time I open it, I question my use of it (which any my followers can tell you, I really don’t use it much).
 
Despite that I write posts from the heart here in a public space, I still see myself as private person.  Many of the things that makes me who I am happens in my thoughts.  
 
I could snap a picture of me folding laundry, but that picture will not tell you what I was thinking about.  It cannot tell you my thoughts.   To tell you my thoughts I need a bigger space, and a caption box is not enough.
 
To tell you my thoughts while folding laundry, I need to sort out what I’m thinking first.  Question it, search it, meditate on it.
 
None of these things you see while looking at my picture. All the picture will show you is my inspiration for my thoughts.  And a picture of folding clothes is not very “exciting.”
 
I’ve come to learn that Bold for me is:
      • Allowing myself to become detached from a lot of things.  
      • Being okay with not wanting to jump on all social media platforms to get my platform out there; and even removing myself from a few to stay true to myself.
      • Not look externally for my happiness or definition of ‘self’.
      • To talk about heartfelt things during the week, and change it up one day with something light-hearted.
      • To disconnect to hear my voice and appreciate it.

For me, it’s the last one that is really hard to accept.  After all, if you’re online and have an online presence, there is this deep urge to always be connected.  However, in my continuous urge to connect and be connected, I end up picking up different energies that are not my own, goals that are not my own.

In moment of weakness,  other people’s goals becomes my goal, and subconsciously,  I find myself moving in that direction even thought I had no intention of going that way before.  I find myself removed from my center, and know it’s time to disconnect.

It is in those moments of disconnect that I appreciate the most.  Those moments of being offline, I can hear my voice and feel myself become realigned with my goals.

 
The beautiful thing about this lesson, is that I know it’s not over yet.  This is what I’ve learned about myself in the first quarter of the year and I suspect that there’s more to come.
 
 
 
How was your first quarter of your year for your one word choice? Did choose a one word to focus on this year?