As 2014 comes in to a close, I have plenty of time to think and reflect about where I am headed, what my plans were for this year, and how well did I meet them.
In the beginning of this year, I had some very bold plans, not just for online, but for offline as well. I hoped to have more exposure, and do far more things online as well as off. What I didn’t expect was the direction that being “bold” was going to take me. Instead of boldly going where no one has gone before (I had to borrow that from Star Trek), I found myself Boldly going in a direction that I have not foreseen, yet I would never change the direction of my course.
I want to say that I wanted to draw more into the world. That I wanted to do far more things, and partake on may different experiences, but instead I found myself retreating and stepping back. Not retreating because of being overwhelmed, but retreating to regain my sense of purpose. It didn’t take that long for me to feel like this.
I’ve mentioned this before in a earlier blog post, that you read enough blogs, and enough opinions that after a while you find yourself losing yourself. You find that your message becomes the same as everyone else’s. You start marching to the beat of someone else’s drum. You don’t know how this happens but slowly you’re shaped, and when you finally wake up, you come to realize that it’s not the shape that you wanted to be.
Not everything happened the way I wanted this year, and for that I am thankful. Why thankful you wonder? Well, because it caused me to look deep into my heart to find out what it is that I truly needed, not just wanted. It caused me to look within to find out what it was that I was missing, or neglecting. By looking deeper inside, I’ve managed to make that part in my life bloom.
In 2014, I struggled with the idea to shut down my blog. I was leaning on the idea that there was no point ( that is how “lost” I felt), but instead I realized that I needed to build up again, and regain my footing. I’m not shutting down my blog. I have reduced my posting time, since I don’t want to spend a lot of time online, I need to study more–for you, and for me.
In October, I started a series called the Deadly Seven. The changes that I have made throughout the year has led to that series. It was a reminder to me about the things that we neglect in life, in search to find fulfillment, not realizing that we already know what it is to be fulfilled.
As for the future….many of you know, I’m not shy to talk about my faith. If you didn’t know, I am Catholic, I completely embrace all the teachings of the Catholic Church, and I respect the knowledge that she has. What I have done all this time away from online (aside from homeschooling) is reading. I’ve dived into Theology, and Philosophy, reading more spiritually, and feeding a part of me that was starving for material.
That emptiness that I had felt, is started to wane, as I’m feeding it more and more substance, and no more fluff. In 2015, I want to share some of what I’ve learned with you. I want to share what I’ve read, and how it’s been helping. I don’t think a reading list should be kept secret, since it doesn’t just help me out, but helps all Christians of good will. My hope is that this reading list that I will be working on in 2015 (continuously adding to it) will help you on your spiritual journey as well.
This coming year, there will no “one word” for me. There will be no lofty goals that will express my intentions for this coming year. I do not wish for anything other than what God wishes to give upon me. I only hope, and wish to grow my love for Him. To use my life as a shining example as the image I was meant to be. I want to humbly be His servant, and will strive my best to fulfill that.
Odd now that I think about it, that my thoughts are much different than they were a year ago, or two years ago, but that’s the funny thing about change–you grow.
Dear Lord, I do not want the riches of this world. I do not want fame, nor fortune, but I all ask Lord is to teach me humility. Let me learn it from the Saints that have lived before me. Let me strive my best do Your will both online and off. Let nothing come between this promise. Let no early distractions take away a simple wish from a simple heart. Please guide us in everything that think, say, and do. Amen.
How have you grown from the beginning of this year to the end?