Something happened to me recently that made me question so many things in my life–the easiest way to say it, is that it was a trial. I ended up questioning my purpose, the reason I’m here, and even the sacrifices that I have made over the years for the family. This event has shaken me to the core, and I’m still recovering from it.
My many distractions…
Now, writing on my blog is a great comforter. I can get lost in the words, and try not to deal with the issue at hand. In fact, it was the great distractions I had, but suddenly I couldn’t log into my blog to write—I can only view it as read only.
This persisted for weeks, as I couldn’t post, edit, or do anything online to my blog. The only thing I could do is to just sit there and watch it. Many times, I found myself just going back to older posts just to read what I wrote.
Who would have thought that my many words would give me comfort for the trials I face today.
Not being able to access the admin of my blog caused me to face the issue that was a problem head on. I couldn’t retreat into something else to take away hurt and pain, instead I had to deal with it, and not run from it.
I could have lost hours online, but that is not where I turn to when I need to sort through emotions. In many ways I just felt stuck, with no choice but to face the elephant in the room.
Being forced to face an issue.
I know this was God who wanted me to face this head on. The fear, and worry that I felt during this event paralyzed me, but I was reminded Who I was leaning on.
Too often we think that we are relying on our strength, and our willingness to move past difficult situations, but too often than not, we fail at trying to solve a problem on our own.
I had to learn to put my trust completely in God. Not just in words, but in action. When I would sit and cry, I had to remember to unit my suffering to Christ suffering on the cross. Trusting in others is a huge obstacle for me, but again, I shouldn’t put my trust in people, but in God always.
Leaning on Christ
I’ve learned that the trials that we face in life is not something that we face as punishment—some of those trials happen out of the blue. The trials that we face is a fertile ground to strengthen our faith. It is another opportunity to die to ourselves, and to lean more on Christ and less on our abilities. He didn’t die on the cross for us to say we can save ourselves alone. He died on the cross because we couldn’t save ourselves on our own.
Since this time, I focused on my prayers for strength. Try to work through the emotions and worry. This is terrifying for someone who is a worry wart. So I will remind myself when my anxiety picks up and doubt creeps in.
The journey that I face ahead of me will be a long one. That I’m sure of. Things were challenged in a way that I could never imagine, but deep down there is this surge of hope. That no matter how deep and dark things can seem now, I know I’m not alone. I know that the trial that feels so heavy at the moment, is bearable. I know that I am loved because Jesus died on the cross for me.