This post is part of the Catholic Women Bloggers Network Blog Hop, hosted by Reconciled To You. To read more stories from other bloggers about this topic, click here.
If a single word could describe me, it would be worrier. I’ve had that title since forever. It’s what I did. Sometimes, it didn’t matter what was bothering me, it could the kids’ weight or hight. Their health, food, or even finances. There was nothing that was off-limits to my worrying.
There is only so much mental anguish that a person can go through before something happens. I didn’t know how close I was to breaking, but I knew when I finally crossed it.
Finally Something Broke
I could remember the events so clearly. The night before I wasn’t feeling very well. I mentioned it to my husband and then dismissed it. I figured that I just need to sleep, and that would be that. I pushed myself that night, and I pushed too hard.
The following morning would be the beginning of many weeks where I had doctor visits, MRIs, ER visits, just to find out what happened. To this very day, I am without a diagnosis of what was wrong, but I’m being monitored.
Life is a Tightrope
I live with the knowledge that what happened, could either be a one time event, or it could be the beginning of something that will affect how I will live my life. naturally, I worried. How can one prepare for something like this? I have small children, how will I be able to take care of them? After all my years of worrying, now I have something to worry about, but it didn’t sit well with me.
I remember opening my Bible (full of anxiety and shaking), and saying, “Lord, this is in your hands.” I placed the Bible down, and let it open on its own, and began reading the first thing that I saw.
“For God has not given a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.”
Talk about being knocked over! It became very clear to me from this point. I had to make a choice: continue to worry about the “what if” or live each day fully and alive. I choose to live each day fully and alive.
Tradition tells us that we are the Church Militant. The Church Suffering needs our prayers, and of course the Church Triumphant can pray for us when we ask. These were the things that gave me comfort then, and continues to give me comfort today.
Going through health issues, we see suffering as something that we just don’t want. I realized that we will go though them regardless if we want them or not. So, I understood that I shouldn’t waste my suffering; I could offer it up for the Holy Souls in purgatory. In the meantime, I called on the Church Triumphant to pray for me.
Knowing all of this, I felt I wasn’t a lone in my struggles. I felt that there was truly the communion of Saints that was helping me go through this, and yet, here I was helping other Holy Souls who could no longer help themselves.
How does this help today?
I’m not cured of my worry and anxiety. Still I suffer from the “what if” bug, but I like to think that I can help it on certain days. There is a pattern that I have noticed–when I focus on myself, that is when the uneasy feelings come right back. My mind starts turning, and if I don’t catch it too soon, my thoughts will spiral, and I become restless.
When I focus on God, I don’t have that unrest. Praying my devotions, offering up prayers for others; my mind does not have time to worry about useless things. Saint Augustine of Hippo had a beautiful quote:
“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”
Aside from our Tradition, Scripture helps me out tremendously. My favorite prayer has to be psalm 63:
O God, you are my God
it is you I seek!
For you my body yearns;
for you my soul thirsts,
In a land parched, lifeless,
and without water. I look to you in the sanctuary
to see your power and glory.
For your love is better than life;my lips shall ever praise you!
I will bless you as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands, calling on your name.
My soul shall be sated as with choice food,
with joyous lips my mouth shall praise you!
I think of you upon my bed,
I remember you through the watches of the night
You indeed are my savior,
and in the shadow of your wings I shout for joy.
My soul clings fast to you;
your right hand upholds me.
Keeping All Eyes on God
I know that I am unhappy when I am not focused on God. I know my day does not start off on the right foot without my Morning prayers, and morning offering. These are the things that keep me sane.
When I pray, I know that at that moment I may not be feeling angry, or even happy, but I know that prayer can be offered up for someone in the christian community. I am able to offer prayers for those in my family whom have passed before me, and for those who I know are going through difficult times. Most importantly, I am not a bystander when I read the news or hear something that is profoundly sad. There is something that I can do!
At the end of the day, God will provide me with the strength to overcome the trials that happens in my life. I know that as long as He is my refuge and all of my trust is in Him, there is nothing I need to worry about.
How do you put your trust in God? Share your thoughts in the comment section below!
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