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Sorting My Emotions After A Loss

How can one start again after a loss? My husband and I waited two and a half years to start trying again for a child.  We thought we had good news. We knew that trying to conceive was going to take time and we knew there was disappointment in our future, but no one was expecting the roller coaster ride that we’ve been on. It started Monday (July 25), when I went to my doctor to confirm my pregnancy. What was a happy event ended up being a negative experience because my doctor was the doctor from hell. For example, I told him that I was still breast-feeding my daughter, and he responded: ” What the hell for? It didn’t work anyway. You still got pregnant anyway.” He laughed as if the remark was funny. That was where we left things, I decided to move on to a new doctor. Two days later (Wednesday) I started cramping. That afternoon I was spotting. Google was my unofficial doctor. In most cases, it would be foolish to look up your condition online instead of going to a doctor, but I was in-between doctors and I knew this was just the beginning of my ordeal. Since the spotting continued, I saw another doctor on Saturday. He checks everything and he says it looks normal. To my surprise I saw a heartbeat and it was strong. I left that office with renewed hope and in denial.  Maybe, just maybe this was viable, after all plenty of women spot during pregnancy. All hope was removed in the afternoon. When my daughter woke up from her nap, my...

Walking Away From Negative People

Three years ago, I was a different person. I wasn’t as kind, open-minded as I am now. When I worked, that was exactly what I did.  I lived to work, and worked to live.  There was no balance of work and home life.  Work managed to infiltrate every corner of my life (including vacations). Quitting my job was one of the scariest yet liberating experiences that I had so far.  Once leaving my job, I relocated my personality, and I have literally come back from the dead.  I’m more positive, and all together happier than I was before. So today, when I had a meeting with my doctor (who is also a very negative person), I saw where I was three years ago and glad I’m no longer there. In a short visit of 20 minutes, he managed to turn an exciting experience into something that made me want to cry. I went to him while looking to confirm my good news. But instead, I ended up leaving the office with a heavy heart. So much has changed in me since I’ve last seen him, and he wasn’t even supportive of the positive changes that I’ve made. Instead, he berated me, and made me feel horrible. Since walking away from a job that did weigh a lot on me, I’ve learned a lot about what I have to deal with and what I should deal with. You have to deal with coworkers and clients, even if personalities don’t work together.  But, if you’re paying someone for a service and you don’t like the way they do business, you don’t...
Sunday Prayer: Showing Us The Signs

Sunday Prayer: Showing Us The Signs

Dear Lord, I think it’s safe to say this now, but HA! HA! The joke’s on me. This past week, you have shown more humor than man gives you credit for. This week, you have taught me a powerful lesson; how not to be comfortable. But really Lord?  Did you have to do that with 100º weather? Couldn’t you just have magically had an acorn show up on my window, or something subtle. I appreciate all lessons that you teach, I really do.  I do wonder if there is gentler lesson in my future (just asking).   Also Lord, thank you for the lesson regarding my daughter. Since our apartment is so hot, our daughter has learned to delay her bedtime. No, I can’t completely blame that on you, but it is rather convenient for it to happen [all of a sudden] with the hot weather, hmm? So, thank you Lord for reminding me to have a little more patience. Again, the in-your-face lessons are working wonders, but maybe I’m ready for some gentle teachings (again, a girl just has to ask). One last thing Lord, I hope you find who are you looking for so that you can put the cover back on hell,and relieve us from this oppressive heat-wave. There are others that have been going though this longer than we have, but in a week, man is going to look for ways to blot out the sun. So, to prevent us from doing something stupid, I hope you find the person....

Welcome To My Blog’s New Home

Allow me to move some boxes and set up a chair for you. I’m still setting things up, but this site is 100% functional. Oh, before I forget–as promised, here is a cup a tea (just the way you like it) and some fresh baked lemon cookies.   There is something invigorating when moving into a new place, or domain.  I’ve never owned a home before (not yet), but I’m sure there is something that overwhelms you when you walk through the door and you can finally say, “mine.” I feel like this towards my blog.  I’ll go to the website, and look at my new e-mail address, and I can say: this is mine. It feels good. In time I’m sure that the newness will fade away, and I will be taking advantage of my surroundings, but right now I’m going to savor it.  It took me (my husband) a lot of tweaking to get things looking just right.  There may be more working to come, but I know this is just the beginning. But for now, let us enjoy this cup of tea and lemon cookies (let me know if you want this recipe) and relax. Almost forgot!  Check out the RSS button or subscribe button to receive updates from my blog!...

Telling The Truth About Fictional Characters

Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy all have one thing in common: they are the things we lie about.  I’m currently debating if I’m going to be honest with my child with these fictional characters or lie about them. Let me rewind back to my childhood.  Growing up, my parents decided to go with the lie method.  We were told about the three fictional characters, and honestly only two registered: Santa and Tooth Fairy.  My parents carried on the charade until I found out on my own (from a classmate) about them being indeed fake. When confronting my parents about this, again, I was told a lie.  “Of course they are real!”  But in my mind, the damage has already begun.  Who do I believe, my parents–who would never lie to me, or my classmates who I’ve known since I was 5.  The classmates won that round. Growing up, we were told to not lie, it wasn’t good.  Logically, I couldn’t understand if I was punished for lying, but my parents got away scott free (for years), then the system is rigged.  This of course made me question everything my parents told me (but really?  Who doesn’t?). Fast forward now to my daughter.  I don’t want to lie to her, but I also don’t want to ruin the “fun” she could have while thinking that some big guy is going to break into our apartment and leave gifts (okay, so it doesn’t sound that great).  Here is a list of pro’s and con’s that I could think of while trying to make this decision. Pros: She can pretend...

Sharing The Love: My Favorite Childhood Book

Growing up, I used to love Sesame Street. I used to know when the show was coming on and looked forward to seeing it everyday. I will even admit that I liked to watch it in my early teens. Of all my favorite characters, Grover was my favorite (even to this day). Besides him being furry, he was just lovable with a funny personality. I never fell into the Big Bird fan club, maybe because he always seemed to have an attitude with that whiney voice (don’t ask, I’m just not a fan), but with Grover, everything was perfect. One of my favorite books was Monster At The End of This Book . A year ago I was literally bugging my husband to pick this book up because we just had to have it in our library. The only thing is, it was a soft page book and she’s not ready to work with soft pages without destroying them. So now I stare at the shelf biding my time to share this wonderful book with her. I don’t think she will be ready for it for another year, but if it’s more time that she needs in order to not destroy this book, then I’ll gladly wait. Do you have a favorite childhood book that you have shared / want to share with your...

Season of Lent: Appreciation for Life

This is the fifth post of my Lent Series, here is the first post Lent is the Beginning of Change. It is amazing that these days that bad news sells so much faster than good news. Negativity travels far and reaches so many before positive influences can take place. We look forward to other people’s misfortune’s because deep down we want to see others do worse than us. For example, look at the horrible conditions the people of Japan are going through. Thousands have loved ones that are missing, or dead, and there is no way to know of their fate. Hundreds of people have been washed out to sea and slowly washing up on the shores. In the US, we have some people who say that Japan deserved this for attacking the US during WWII. There have also been comments spoken that they were the ones truly responsible for our financial crisis (not greedy people here in our own backyards) and this is their punishment. There are some things we can do to learn from our brothers and sisters in Japan. You must look within for strength. There is something resilient about the human spirit that allows the strong minded to take charge, and fix situations. There is something deep down that wants to make a person want to live and survive, these things we should look for. In an area that is surrounded by death and suffering, we must truly have an appreciation for the life that we do have, and make the best of this short time that we have on this earth. We may not know...

Season of Lent: Acceptance of Self

This is the fourth post of my Lent Series, here is the first post Lent is the Beginning of Change. For 18 years of my life, I was overweight; and that is saying it nicely. I always tried to convince myself that once when I lose the weight, I’ll be happier. I will be able to wear clothes that I always wanted to. I will finally be free. I told myself this during all the times that I tried to lose weight. Happiness was something I couldn’t find within me, I needed to have my weight lowered for me to reach that conclusion. Every time I tried a new diet, I failed. Every time that I failed I would go into a long rant to myself in front of a mirror, while pointing out the areas on my body I didn’t like. In 2009 I decided to do something different, instead of looking for a physical marker to show my happiness, I started to rely on my mind. My weight loss journey is still going on, but I’ve lost 70 pounds so far. In order for me to move forward, I had to change. I praised myself, and I have stopped putting my self down. I had to look in the mirror and confront who I was and improve my relationship with myself. After I did that, then the weight started coming off. I think we sometimes forget that it is very important to accept ourselves first. Many times we look to worldly things, possessions, or someone else’s approval to make us happy. We try our hardest to live up...

Season of Lent: Spiritual Renew

This is the third post of my Lent Series, here is the first post Lent is the Beginning of Change. Every wonder why when winter ends and spring is about to begin, we have this urge to purge everything useless out of our lives and start again fresh? This sudden urge that we feel is not in our heads, but we are really being called to clean out our lives and straighten everything up. Deep down, we know that there are things that we strayed away from that we would like to get back to, and there are things that we would like move away from (such as a bad habit). So it is no surprise that Lent and easter both fall during this time of year when our bodies and minds are seeking to change. There is something refreshing about the power of Spring, and how it causes you to smile longer, and be kinder to others. As for myself, I have noticed that there are several things that I was doing, that affected my family life. Instead of waiting for the evenings to log online and surf the web, I found myself stealing time from my family during the day to do so. My promise during lent is to stop messing with my laptop while my children are awake. So, I’m writing this post as my daughter is napping. I realize that what I needed to change was my behavior, I can’t say that I didn’t have time in the day to play more with her, or to read her more books. The truth was, I didn’t want...
Season of Lent: Facing Our Mortality

Season of Lent: Facing Our Mortality

  This is the second post of my Lent Series, here is the first post Lent is the Beginning of Change. Wednesday morning when I woke up, my main concern was to get to church-on time. Breakfast was made the day before and clothes were laid out. Even though it was cold outside, I didn’t fight with my daughter (who is 2) when she clearly stated that she wanted to walk. We did manage to get there on time, right before the mass started, and I of course was feeling proud that at least once, we made it early. When the priest put the ashes on my forehead and then my daughter’s, My mood changed from proud to sad. The words the priest said were along the lines of remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return. I know we will all die at some point in our lifespan. The lucky ones will go peacefully, some will meet tragic ends, and others will not go willingly. However, the truth is we will all go. Living here is the United States, I notice that we have a love / hate relationship with mortality. In movies, we glorify it. We show the most gruesome scenes that man can think of and show every detail of it. We pay to look at it. In our daily lives, we shun it. We try our best to stay young and work hard to keep that girlish figure. We color our gray hair and feel proud when someone guesses our age years younger that what we are. When our loved ones die, we never...
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